Friday, November 19, 2010

Politi-speak 101 - Free Translations

It's dark, it's dreary, and I need to do something silly. So here are some politi-speak translations for you.

Let me be perfectly clear.
Translation: 1. I am about to say something you will not like and I will lie about it now and also later.
2. I am about to present an outstanding example of bafflegab which you are free to quote at length.
3. I like to throw this phrase in whenever I need a brief pause for breath. Don't interrupt.

I have not now, nor have I ever...
Translation: I'm sure you'll never find out about it, if I bribed the right guy.

The deficit is under control.
Translation: 1. It's under some country's control - China's perhaps? We don't know and you don't need to know.
2. We have these gorgeous gas guzzling cars for sale

The cost of the G8 summit was reasonable given the possibility of terrorism.
Translation: We want to keep our Muskoka voters happy.

The cost of the G20 summit was reasonable given the possibility of terrorism.
Translation: We don't care about Toronto, there are not enough Conservative voters in the 416 dialing area.
2. We don't care about Toronto
3. We don't care about Ontario. It's run by Liberals

Our troops will leave Afghanistan in 2011.
Translation: 1. What? Who said that?
2. Oh come now, they won't be soldiers, they'll be trainers. Don't worry, be happy.

Do you want the government to be controlled by separatists?
Translation: 1. We will keep up this fear mongering until you believe us. It's a great distraction and works at least 50% of the time on 38% of the people.
2. Why can't you just be quiet and let us get on with ruining, oops! running the country.

Th th that's all folks. Til the next time.


Pat.Hollett said...

Good blog Diane! Loved the humor and definitely made me laugh since it's such a familiar dance with politicians! Well done...enjoyed it! ;)

Anonymous said...

I live near MTL - your post hits the spot!! Aren't they ALL liars? No, really, have you heard about what's going on over here in QC with the construction contractors and our Dear Prime Minister, blocking an investigation? There's a petition going on right now to make him resignate from his mandat. Check out the assemblée nationale website if you want to sign it:)

Lori Hahnel said...

Thanks for the laugh, Diane. Though as usual, it's funny because it's true.

Falcata Times said...

Love the humour. Mind you I prefer it when politicians are having affairs, at least at that point they're being honest about who they're trying to screw.

My voting also goes along the lines of, if I won't drink with them in the pub, I sure as hell won't vote for them.

As you've pointed out, honesty is the best policy provided you're not a politician, when everyone else is making cuts they're looking at the next hand out.

Danielle La Paglia said...

Love it, Diane! Thank you for the laugh. :)