It's dark, it's dreary, and I need to do something silly. So here are some politi-speak translations for you.
Let me be perfectly clear.
Translation: 1. I am about to say something you will not like and I will lie about it now and also later.
2. I am about to present an outstanding example of bafflegab which you are free to quote at length.
3. I like to throw this phrase in whenever I need a brief pause for breath. Don't interrupt.
I have not now, nor have I ever...
Translation: I'm sure you'll never find out about it, if I bribed the right guy.
The deficit is under control.
Translation: 1. It's under some country's control - China's perhaps? We don't know and you don't need to know.
2. We have these gorgeous gas guzzling cars for sale
The cost of the G8 summit was reasonable given the possibility of terrorism.
Translation: We want to keep our Muskoka voters happy.
The cost of the G20 summit was reasonable given the possibility of terrorism.
Translation: We don't care about Toronto, there are not enough Conservative voters in the 416 dialing area.
2. We don't care about Toronto
3. We don't care about Ontario. It's run by Liberals
Our troops will leave Afghanistan in 2011.
Translation: 1. What? Who said that?
2. Oh come now, they won't be soldiers, they'll be trainers. Don't worry, be happy.
Do you want the government to be controlled by separatists?
Translation: 1. We will keep up this fear mongering until you believe us. It's a great distraction and works at least 50% of the time on 38% of the people.
2. Why can't you just be quiet and let us get on with ruining, oops! running the country.
Th th that's all folks. Til the next time.