Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Two 38C Specials Please and Other Nonsense

I wonder if there are now any unretouched photographs left in this world. There is one that I know of but I'll talk about that later.

CBS Sunday morning showed one of those 'real beauty commercials'. It starts with a good- looking woman who is then made-up to a fare-the-well, but the make-over doesn't stop there. The picture is then photoshopped to elongate the woman's neck, raise her eyebrows and make her eyes bigger. It's all part of the so-called beauty game I guess. It sure ain't real life, but it is on a billboard.

The Blind Date television program claims to be real. I've seen parts of it once or twice, by accident, and found it extremely silly but mostly boring. The producers use captions to indicate how the person's thoughts may not match their words. So, this weekend when we were trying to choose what to watch on pay-per- view, one of the choices was outakes from Blind Date. At least that's what the description said. The short film should have been called Boobs and nothing Butt. Every female blind date had visited the same plastic surgeon and no matter what size their other body parts were, all of them had breasts that were 38C. They all flashed their breasts at their dates and it became obvious that the women were all strippers in real life. The only funny part was the commercial for boobie beer. It was followed by a woman who burped all through her dinner date then later she shook her almost bare ass and farted. True class, or what?

Maybe her burps and the gas that is coming out of Tony Blair's mouth are responsible for the increase in global warming.

After we recovered from watching the Boobs R Us silliness, we watched Inside Man by Spike Lee. In most of the film, everyone is wearing coveralls. It was refreshing not to see many body parts.

I'd like to close with a warning. Do not allow anyone to take a picture of you before 8 a.m. and certainly not before you have imbibed an appropriate amount of caffeine. No amount of photo retouching is of any avail. I shall have to change my name and move to another country if the photo ever escapes custody.

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