Thursday, December 30, 2010

Resolutions for Other People

The new year is almost here. I used to make resolutions but I don't do that any more. It's too daunting. And the older I get the more things there are that could be done, or should be done by me. But, I think it would be more fun to make a list of things other people should do.

Politicians - should emit only one lie per day. More than one lie should be punished with a pie in the face. Two lies, two pies - one for each side. More than two lies during any one speech and the audio will cut out and you'll be standing there with pie on you and no way to reply

Celebrities with addictions - should stop talking about their short stints in rehab. More than one "I'm cured now" comment should result in the celebrity being barred from all talk shows. If you have not used your addictive substance for many many years, I might want to hear how you coped without it. If you are not in that category, then make a large anonymous donation to A.A. or N.A. or what-have-you Anonymous and for heaven's sake, shut up.

Advertising copywriter - To the composer of the ad for the "Michael Jackson Tour - Greatest in the History of the World;" you should turn off the computer and turn in your writing badge now. You have gone past the hyperbole limit and your licence is hereby revoked.

I could go on and on, but I have to make a list of goals for myself. I prefer to choose modest goals that can be broken down into small steps rather than making huge and probably unattainable resolutions. Perhaps I should aim to keep any bitchiness to only two paragraphs or less, per blog entry,

To my readers - I wish you the very best for 2011! May you be blessed with health and happiness and every good thing you wish for,

And if you want to add a resolution for someone else, please do.


Angela Addams said...

I agree with all of your resolutions for other people but would like to add one:

There are some celebrities (in particular young men in the music industry that are the eye-candy of many a pre-teen girl) who seriously need to do something about their cut it so that it doesn't hang in their face constantly. I'm so sick of seeing teen boys mimic said look with one eye constantly covered.

Jessica Peter said...

Nice! I've never really done the resolutions thing myself, though sometimes I've made some up just to tell other people.

But I especially like your politicians' "two lies two pies". Haha.

Anonymous said...

How about we all resolve to stop wasting time on being "politically correct" and actually deal with people on an individual basis without holding our tongues, because the person who happens to deserve the lashing is of a different creed, colour, or sex.

How about we give awards and recognition to those who deserve it and stop with the "first black" or "first woman" to ever do such-and-such bull.

Let's just say what we mean and mean what we say and stop wasting everyone's time.


Anonymous said...

Love this!

Happy New Year :)

Falcata Times said...

Personally I don't think politicians should get a pie in the face, I think a kick to the nuts is infinitely better. Plus that way we might also save the world by stopping them breeding.

Julie said...

lmao, that's awesome. Thanks for sharing!

Julie said...

Er, that was me, Firewolf/Julie

Pat Hollett said...

I don't do resolutions either, but I like your idea Diane. I think people should be accountable for their actions. Excellent blog this week! Well done! :)